Nice Cans! Beer Bottles are Revamped to Make them Sexier

Last Friday, Gizmodo posted an article on new the packaging by MillerCoors, Budweiser, and Heineken. These three companies are introducing new bottles and cans that (they claim) make their beers more drinkable and accessible to consumers. The article highlights some other possibilities for the change, including increased competition from craft brewers and modern consumers’ expectations for design.

Now I’m not surprised that these companies are updating their look; switching up the branding of a product instead of the product itself is one of the oldest marketing tricks in the book. What I did find a little odd was the way they were changing the packaging. The updated bottles and cans are sleeker and taller, with smooth necks and ample curves. Heineken even described their new Star Bottle as having “strong shoulders and a taller, slimmer neck that elongates the look of the bottle giving it a more modern air of confident masculinity and pride.”

Am I supposed to drink their beer or have sex with it?

I can't wait til you're inside me.

I want you inside me.

Now don’t get me wrong;  I would love to put my mouth all over a tall, slim, Dutch man who gets me drunk. And I’m not trying to push some sort of feminist agenda (“Stop objectifying bottles! Real women can’t live up to their impossibly rigid beauty standards and full-bodied drinkability!”) I just can’t wrap my head around it. I mean, sexy lady holding a bottle of beer? Advertising gold. When the beer itself is the sexy one? It’s a little too Freudian for my liking.

Oh and if you’re sexually attracted to your beer, you’ve probably already drank too much. 

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