It’s June, which means we’ve officially entered wedding season: that magical time of year when couples blissfully join together for eternity and restore our faith in the unifying spirit of love. Or, if you’re not the one getting married, the season of buying ridiculously expensive, registry-approved toasters and a constant foreboding fear of dying alone. At some point, you will consider shanking a bridesmaid to catch the bouquet.
You know, magical.
Weddings kind of suck. But receptions are pretty awesome. There are tons of delicious food items (I once had buffalo chicken won tons. WHAT?), awkward dancing with middle-aged relatives of the bride, and plenty of booze. While champagne has always been the staple barbiturate of weddings, craft beer is gaining ground on the classic bubbly. According to the Huffington Post, an LA-area hotel is now offering a “Hoppily Ever After” wedding package. This includes a consultation with the Energen Brewing Company, who will work with the couple to craft a distinct, delicious beer for their special day. The brewery will produce about 30 gallons of the beer, which is served on-tap at the wedding venue. Sam Adams has also jumped on the wedding bandwagon, inviting brides- and grooms-to-be to buy their “Brewlywed Ale” at a one-day-only event on June 26th.
Adding beer into your wedding preparations doesn’t stop there. In fact, there are hundreds of ways to include your favorite brew on your special day. Unfortunately, nearly all of these suggestions are swirling around in the black hole where wedding ideas go to die known as Pinterest. (Seriously, if you have 40 pins of dress ideas and how to use mason jars in the church decor, but haven’t even met a guy, maybe it’s time to pump the brakes a little.) I trudged through this morass of glittery, ill-conceived ideas to bring you the ultimate in beer weddings.
Customized beer tub: Nothing says “eternal bliss” like hunting paraphernalia. Would look great filled with a 30-rack of Miller High Life.
Father of the bride/groom beer glasses: There are different versions of this mug for members of your wedding party from bridesmaids to best men. But why stop there? Shot glasses for the flower girls! Flasks for the ring bearer! (note: if ring bearer is a dog, one of these will suffice. Also, fuck you for having a dog in your wedding)
Customized Beer Pong Table and Cups: As always, Etsy comes through with some truly wonderful touches for your special day. Give your wedding all the class and sophistication of the basement of a frat house during finals week with this timeless set.